So this week on Mary’s Moment i talked about libido and what to do if yours has gone missing or is just not showing up for you when you need it. There are millions of people silently suffering with or because of low libido, so if you are too don’t feel like you are alone.
There is so much emotional baggage that comes with it too, blame, embarrassment, insecurity, frustration and of course the wounded ego. It is a killer in relationships, when you think about it our physical or intimate relationship with our partner is what differentiates us as a couple, otherwise we become friends or worse merely cohabitants, it changes the the dynamic of the relationship.
There is a lot of excellent information about what causes low libido like how it can be impacted by lack of exercise, a poor diet, hormonal imbalances, or simply exhaustion maybe you are just too tired at the end of the day after you have looked after everybody else and the last thing you want to do is have to “put out” even if you generally love it.
Low libido can also be influenced by your beliefs. These are the thoughts that have been impressed upon us by our parents and society and our churches. I grew up in a staunch Roman Catholic environment and we never openly talked about having sex, and never really talked about whether it was something that should be enjoyed, the church certainly implied it was just for the purpose of procreation and so guilt was born. So I am not surprised when I hear people say that they feel like they have been programmed to think that having sex for pure enjoyment is bad! One of my favourite books is Donald Weiss’ conversations with God. The book is based on a dialogue that he claims to have had with God and there is a chapter where he is asking God a whole bunch of questions about Sex and whether it is bad or whether we should feel guilty for enjoying it and GOD says that he gifted us with the ability to do something that we could absolutely enjoy and at the same time create our offspring if we choose to. I loved it! It was basically saying do it enjoy it at is an incredible expression of two people joining as one.
The other belief that some of us have is that we just aren’t attractive enough. When we look in the mirror or when we look at pictures of ourselves we don’t think that we are pretty let alone sexy. And what I tell my clients is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we could see how beautiful we really are. When we look in mirror or in a picture we are seeing ourselves from a one dimensional perspective and often it doesn’t capture our true essence. When we experience anything , we do it with our 5 senses not just our sight. So if you are struggling with your appearance, think about how you might smell to someone esle, or perhaps how soft your skin might feel or whether your smile lights up a room or whether your eyes can see deep into their soul, whether your laugh is exhilarating or how your voice may sound to someone….are you getting my point? Think about what you can’t see in a picture but what differentiates you as the unique and incredible person that you are, because that is probably how others see you.
Finally if you want to feel sexy you need to be conscious of what you are telling yourself about yourself. Make sure that when you are looking in the mirror you are focusing on all your assets, we all have them and yes all of us have features we don’t love too but the problem is most of us are focusing on what we don’t love about ourselves rather than what we do. The more you focus on what you love about yourself, the better your self esteem will be and the more confidence you will have. One of the most attractive features that men or women have is self-confidence. Take the extra time in the morning to look good, whatever that looks like for you. Oh yes and one last thing ladies throw out the granny panties, there are beautiful and sexy undergarments for women of all sizes. Treat yourself you will feel great.
So your takeaway for the week is……Choose to think that having sex is like going to the spa, appealing to all of your senses a treat and when you walk away you feel relaxed and rejuvenated and oh yeah get rested up so you can enjoy it. Have a great week. Thanks for reading!
This week on Mary’s Moment I talked about Infidelity and what to do if your relationship has been affected by it and how to recover from it or prevent it from happening.
Ultimately you have a choice if this happens in your relationship, you make a decision to stay or to leave. One of the universal laws that we teach at Ignite is that there is balance in every situation so whether you leave the relationship or stay in the relationship it will be good and bad, it will bring pain and pleasure. It simply becomes a choice.
In our society, Infidelity is met with judgement, and if we get stuck in judgement eliminates the opportunity to understand what truly happened. So if if you get stuck and blame your partner maybe tell them that what they did was wrong, unforgiveable, a violation of trust and walk away from the relationship you can miss what is more than likely an important lesson for you. If you can somehow move past that judgement to understanding you will find the growth that is there for you in that situation and then you will be able to move forward with an clear and open heart with or without your partner.
Both of you need to look at what is missing in your relationship. People leave relationships to have affairs, because there is something missing in their relationship. Maybe it is the physical connection, the passion, maybe it is communication, love, understanding, authenticity, time, freedom, change. Whatever it is you need to ask yourself if there is a way to get back what is missing if you could. And whether what you really want is something you can have in this relationship. Are you asking your partner to be something or someone they are not?
Sometimes, your life path and growth takes you in a different direction from your partner and you become 2 disconnected lives living in the same home.
Always you have choices; the choice to stay and work on reconnecting and rebuilding the relationship or to leave with love, neither option is easy by the way. Infidelity is devastating but it can also be the catalyst to a new phase in a relationship, a rebuilt reconnected life together or a new separate journey.
You always have choices, the choice to learn and grow from your experiences or react based solely on the emotions surrounding the event. You may not get to choose whether or not infidelity enters your relationship but you get to choose how you move forward.
Your choices give you the ability to create your life intentionally knowing that whatever they are they will be good and bad, right and wrong. Just know that you will always be alright when you set aside judgment and emotion and make your choices from a place of love. Thanks for reading! To hear the Mary Moment live tune into Love & Lipstick on 99.7 on your radio Sunday nights after 8pm
This week on Mary`s Moment I talked about how to keep the passion alive in a healthy relationship or how to get the spark back if it is missing through the understanding and application of the universal law of attraction. If you understand how to use the law of attraction, like any law, the results will be predictable. The law is simply that what you focus on you will attract into your life. Our mind is one of the most powerful tools known to man, but we don’t know how to use it to our advantage and understanding how it works has everything to do with keeping passion in your relationship.
There are two parts of your mind – the conscious part which is limited and where you do all of your thinking and you have the ability to choose your thoughts. The other part of your mind is the subconscious part which has such a vast quantity of information that if it were to allow all of it to flow through to your conscious mind it would be so overwhelming that you would not be able to focus on anything…[I]as I am writing this I am wondering if that is what happens in the minds of people with ADHD[/I]… So to protect you it will only allow information through to your conscious mind that is in harmony with what you are focusing on and then filters out everything else.
In a different context, have you ever made the decision to buy a new car? Did you notice that you immediately started to see that vehicle everywhere you looked? Do you think it is by chance that there are more of these cars on the road all of a sudden? Of course not, they were always there but your subconscious filtered them out of your awareness because it wasn’t something that you were intentionally focusing on. Similarly in your relationships, the things in your partner that you focus on will seem to appear more and more often. In actuality they are no more prevalent than they were before, it is that your subconscious mind is filtering out most everything that does not line up with what you are focusing on, so if you weren`t focusing on the things before you wouldn`t have seen them.
So lets look at this a little closer as it relates to our relationships and specifically passion in our relationships. If you are focused on all of the crap, the fact that he didn’t take out the garbage, leaves the toilet seat up, doesn’t put the cap on the toothpaste, or change dirty diapers, or whatever other negative trait he or she has,then the last thing you are going to want to be is intimate with that person.
When you first started dating you were focused on what attracted you to them and what you loved about them and because that was your focus, that is pretty much all that your subconscious brought into your awareness, so that is all that you saw and of course you wanted to be intimate with them!
The one thing you can begin to do today to bring passion back into your relationship is to start focusing on what you love about your partner and every time you think about what you don’t love, change your thought and focus on what you do love. What you think determines how you feel and how you feel determines what you do. A passionate relationship is simply a by product of your thoughts. So choose your thoughts to support what you want to achieve in your relationship.
In closing I would leave you with a quote from Apostle Peter. He said “be of one mind having compassion one for another”, and what is compassion after all if not passions tender face.
Hope you have a passionate week!!
This is an exciting day as I debuted on 99.7 with Sue McGarvie’s Love and Lipstick!! If you were not able to dial in I will be posting my transcript and would love to hear from you!! MaryC