Are Men and Women really that different?
Well let’s start with what makes them different….other than the obvious physical differences.
Men generally have one thought at a time and will focus on a single task, while women have many thoughts processing at once and are skilled in multi-tasking. So that is often how mis-communication occurs in relationships, because women don’t understand why their man can’t follow the conversation that is really about what happened two days ago and three weeks ago…..lol
Men like to be in their cave and what I mean by that is they are happy to be alone without the need to be around a lot of other people especially other males. Let’s call it the Alpha male instinct. Whereas women more instinctively want to commune with other women.
I went to see the new Sex and the City movie this week. It is excellent btw so If you haven’t seen it ladies you will want to plan a girls night out around it. One of my favourite parts of the movie was when Samantha, Carrie,Miranda and Charlotte were being chased by a group of angry men in Abudabi and a group of Arabic women adorned in their traditional cloaks, signaled for them to follow them to protection. Up until that point the girls had identified only the stark differences between themselves and the women. But alone with them, they realized that they loved NewYork, and under the cloaks they were wearing the latest fashion, they were researching Modern Medicine and reading the same book about Menopause that Samantha was.
What they realized was that even though culturally they were very different, at the core they were the same. I would suggest that the same holds true for men and woman.
Yes we know there are differences but if we look at what constitutes the energy of men and the energy of women we see that we are very much the same.
Let me explain..
The masculine energy is an energy that is destructive, it is strength and fire. Whereas ,feminine energy represents creation, nurturing and love. They are the perfect balance for each other.
For those of you that have been listening over the past weeks I have talked about the universal law of balance. That law states that there is absolute balance in everything, every one in every experience.
That law also applies here.
We have in all of us both masculine and feminine energy.
In the traditional male role masculine energy was predominant.
The characteristics of the masculine energy have shaped expectations of the Male in society to be the provider, the protector, the leader and the strength in a family. While the feminine energy was predominant in the traditional female and again expectations were born that the women would be the nurturers, the caretakers, the communicators, really the glue that binds the family together.
As society has evolved and as we have begun to embrace both genders within ourselves so too have the roles within families evolved. And now the males can be both the protector and the nurturer. The female can be both the provider and the caretaker.
And that doesn’t mean that the female is emasculate or that the male is more effeminate it is a natural expression of who we truly are. And it certainly doesn’t mean that women don’t want to be protected and men don’t want to be nurtured.
This embracing of the two sides of our energy is our natural way of being. As with the wearing of cloaks society has dictated on the Arabic women, our society has historically dictated that men suppress their feminine energy and and woman their masculine energy.
So your takeaway this week is recognize that while men and women and different, we are also the same. We need to honor those differences and to embrace our sameness.
Have a great Week!!
Fantasizing is essential to both your relationship with your significant other and critical in every other area of your life.
Let’s start with your relationship. Fantasies should play a big role in the life you share with your
partner. When you think of fantasies you more than likely automatically think of that we are talking about sex but that is not the case.
In a relationship fantasizing about the house you want to build or the trips you want to take or the relationship you both want to build with each other are all part of creating the reality you want. This may be better known as visualizing. You have probably heard of or may even have a vision board or what some people call a dream board.
This is where you cut out pictures of the car you want or the trip you would like to take or just about anything that you would like to attract into your life.
You could just as easily call them fantasy boards because that is what they are meant to cause you to do.
When you fantasize or visualize you are putting yourself into a state in which you consciously have the thing that is the object of your fantasy. You are experiencing the house, the car, the man or woman. It gives you the opportunity to put yourself into a scene that does not yet exist…and I say does not yet exist because that picture or movie that plays in your mind when you fantasize is precisely how everything man made in this world originated.
As a thought, or picture in someone’s mind. They say you can never own an original painting because the original only exists in the mind of the painter.
We think in pictures. Let me demonstrate. I am going to ask you to play along with me for a second… Close your eyes and think of your car. Oh yeah, if you are currently driving your car, let’s keep our eyes open for this one please now think of your house…your fridge. Now, as I asked you to think of each of these items a picture formed in your brain didn’t it.
When I mentioned your car a picture of your car popped up in your mind and as soon as I mentioned house that picture disappeared and the picture of your house appeared, then the fridge. We literally think in pictures. Here is why visualizing or fantasizing is important.
It will cause us to feel as though we are in possession of our fantasy and when that happens, we are in a vibration that is in harmony with that which we are fantasizing and the law of attraction takes over.
It is important to share your fantasies with your partner and make them part of the fantasy especially when they are of a sexual nature otherwise you risk distancing them. If you are both fantasizing in harmony this can be a very powerful bonding exercise that can have amazing results both in your relationship and in the life you build for yourselves together.
So your take away this week is to be purposeful when you fantasize, share this with your partner and then sit back and watch the magic happen.
Have a wonderful day! Happy dreaming!!!
I would like to appeal to all of you out there who find yourselves captivating a room with your tales of dating horror!!!
You know who you are :-0
In fact I have spoken to a lot of you! Keep reading cuz this week we I am going to let you in on the secret to what you can do to avoid adding to that library of stories that leave people staring at you in bewilderment, saying thank god I’m not single!!!!
I realize that it’s very easy to think that it is bad luck, or that there are no more good ones out there, that they are all taken… If that is the way you have been thinking, I would like you to do a quick mental check for me…. How does thinking this make you feel? PAUSE… It’s a very helpless feeling isn’t? Well…the fact of the matter is, you are actually in complete control!
OK here it is….EVERYTHING…That’s right, EVERYTHING is a manifestation of our thoughts. We create what we think about. Which also includes our dates
What are your thoughts around dating?…what expectations do you have when you go out on that date?
Are you thinking about all of the bad dates you have had lately, calling up memories and reliving each and every one of them in your mind? Are you thinking that you’ve cornered the market on duds?
Well, guess what folks? What you fear will appear. If you are expecting bad things to happen on your dates don’t be surprise when that shows up. If you are thinking that all guys are jerks, they will beat a steady path to your door!
What happens for most people is that they will look at their results, in this case, “all of my dates have been nightmares”, they allow that reality to take control and their thoughts become, “I always seem to date losers”, which puts them into an “I always date losers” state of vibration.
So the universe can only do one thing by law, and we are talking about the laws of attraction and vibration here…It will serve them up a steady buffet of losers.
“OK Mary, so how do I get off the lame train?” LOL
It’s very simple really… Change your thoughts. We have been gifted with the incredible ability to create pictures in our imagination. This is one of the most powerful tools we have to work with the Law of attraction!
Build a picture of what you want! What do YOU want in a partner? Include every detail. The more detail you give your picture the more powerful the intention and vibration you create.
What type of personality are you attracted to? How would you like to be treated? What music do they like, are they funny? What do they look like? Do they love the outdoors? Are they passionate? Do they like to dance?… Leave nothing out.
What you want to do next is see this perfect partner in your mind as though they already exist. See yourself with that person engaged in everyday activities and play that movie over and over in your mind. You can even visualize every aspect of the perfect date with your perfect partner!
What you are doing when you create these images is you are fooling your subconscious mind into believing that this is reality. When this happens you move your body into a state of vibration that is in harmony with all that you are visualizing. The Universe will take care of the rest.
One of the shortcuts that people will take is to identify someone that they know and are attracted to and they begin to picture themselves with that person. They run through their minds what it would be like to be with them, to spend their lives with them. Well if they focus long enough and hard enough they will more than likely attract that person to themselves and then BAM! They realize that the person they chose is not at all like the person they imagined. They have a laundry list of habits and character traits that they hadn’t bargained for. I recommend that you avoid the temptation to pick your mate from a lineup unless you know that person intimately and know what you are getting beforehand.
There is no better conductor in this orchestra than the Universe. If you take your time and choose what you want, rest assured that the universe will find the perfect match and lead them to you. Your job is to be aware when they make their appearance. It may very well end up being that person you know, but resist the urge and let the Universe make that call.
So your take away is to look for what you want, not what you don’t want. Build yourself your perfect partner and make them the leading man or lady in your mental motion picture and then get out your dancing shoes!
Have a great week!!
So this week on Mary’s Moment i talked about libido and what to do if yours has gone missing or is just not showing up for you when you need it. There are millions of people silently suffering with or because of low libido, so if you are too don’t feel like you are alone.
There is so much emotional baggage that comes with it too, blame, embarrassment, insecurity, frustration and of course the wounded ego. It is a killer in relationships, when you think about it our physical or intimate relationship with our partner is what differentiates us as a couple, otherwise we become friends or worse merely cohabitants, it changes the the dynamic of the relationship.
There is a lot of excellent information about what causes low libido like how it can be impacted by lack of exercise, a poor diet, hormonal imbalances, or simply exhaustion maybe you are just too tired at the end of the day after you have looked after everybody else and the last thing you want to do is have to “put out” even if you generally love it.
Low libido can also be influenced by your beliefs. These are the thoughts that have been impressed upon us by our parents and society and our churches. I grew up in a staunch Roman Catholic environment and we never openly talked about having sex, and never really talked about whether it was something that should be enjoyed, the church certainly implied it was just for the purpose of procreation and so guilt was born. So I am not surprised when I hear people say that they feel like they have been programmed to think that having sex for pure enjoyment is bad! One of my favourite books is Donald Weiss’ conversations with God. The book is based on a dialogue that he claims to have had with God and there is a chapter where he is asking God a whole bunch of questions about Sex and whether it is bad or whether we should feel guilty for enjoying it and GOD says that he gifted us with the ability to do something that we could absolutely enjoy and at the same time create our offspring if we choose to. I loved it! It was basically saying do it enjoy it at is an incredible expression of two people joining as one.
The other belief that some of us have is that we just aren’t attractive enough. When we look in the mirror or when we look at pictures of ourselves we don’t think that we are pretty let alone sexy. And what I tell my clients is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others, we could see how beautiful we really are. When we look in mirror or in a picture we are seeing ourselves from a one dimensional perspective and often it doesn’t capture our true essence. When we experience anything , we do it with our 5 senses not just our sight. So if you are struggling with your appearance, think about how you might smell to someone esle, or perhaps how soft your skin might feel or whether your smile lights up a room or whether your eyes can see deep into their soul, whether your laugh is exhilarating or how your voice may sound to someone….are you getting my point? Think about what you can’t see in a picture but what differentiates you as the unique and incredible person that you are, because that is probably how others see you.
Finally if you want to feel sexy you need to be conscious of what you are telling yourself about yourself. Make sure that when you are looking in the mirror you are focusing on all your assets, we all have them and yes all of us have features we don’t love too but the problem is most of us are focusing on what we don’t love about ourselves rather than what we do. The more you focus on what you love about yourself, the better your self esteem will be and the more confidence you will have. One of the most attractive features that men or women have is self-confidence. Take the extra time in the morning to look good, whatever that looks like for you. Oh yes and one last thing ladies throw out the granny panties, there are beautiful and sexy undergarments for women of all sizes. Treat yourself you will feel great.
So your takeaway for the week is……Choose to think that having sex is like going to the spa, appealing to all of your senses a treat and when you walk away you feel relaxed and rejuvenated and oh yeah get rested up so you can enjoy it. Have a great week. Thanks for reading!
This week on Mary’s Moment I talked about Infidelity and what to do if your relationship has been affected by it and how to recover from it or prevent it from happening.
Ultimately you have a choice if this happens in your relationship, you make a decision to stay or to leave. One of the universal laws that we teach at Ignite is that there is balance in every situation so whether you leave the relationship or stay in the relationship it will be good and bad, it will bring pain and pleasure. It simply becomes a choice.
In our society, Infidelity is met with judgement, and if we get stuck in judgement eliminates the opportunity to understand what truly happened. So if if you get stuck and blame your partner maybe tell them that what they did was wrong, unforgiveable, a violation of trust and walk away from the relationship you can miss what is more than likely an important lesson for you. If you can somehow move past that judgement to understanding you will find the growth that is there for you in that situation and then you will be able to move forward with an clear and open heart with or without your partner.
Both of you need to look at what is missing in your relationship. People leave relationships to have affairs, because there is something missing in their relationship. Maybe it is the physical connection, the passion, maybe it is communication, love, understanding, authenticity, time, freedom, change. Whatever it is you need to ask yourself if there is a way to get back what is missing if you could. And whether what you really want is something you can have in this relationship. Are you asking your partner to be something or someone they are not?
Sometimes, your life path and growth takes you in a different direction from your partner and you become 2 disconnected lives living in the same home.
Always you have choices; the choice to stay and work on reconnecting and rebuilding the relationship or to leave with love, neither option is easy by the way. Infidelity is devastating but it can also be the catalyst to a new phase in a relationship, a rebuilt reconnected life together or a new separate journey.
You always have choices, the choice to learn and grow from your experiences or react based solely on the emotions surrounding the event. You may not get to choose whether or not infidelity enters your relationship but you get to choose how you move forward.
Your choices give you the ability to create your life intentionally knowing that whatever they are they will be good and bad, right and wrong. Just know that you will always be alright when you set aside judgment and emotion and make your choices from a place of love. Thanks for reading! To hear the Mary Moment live tune into Love & Lipstick on 99.7 on your radio Sunday nights after 8pm
This week on Mary`s Moment I talked about how to keep the passion alive in a healthy relationship or how to get the spark back if it is missing through the understanding and application of the universal law of attraction. If you understand how to use the law of attraction, like any law, the results will be predictable. The law is simply that what you focus on you will attract into your life. Our mind is one of the most powerful tools known to man, but we don’t know how to use it to our advantage and understanding how it works has everything to do with keeping passion in your relationship.
There are two parts of your mind – the conscious part which is limited and where you do all of your thinking and you have the ability to choose your thoughts. The other part of your mind is the subconscious part which has such a vast quantity of information that if it were to allow all of it to flow through to your conscious mind it would be so overwhelming that you would not be able to focus on anything…[I]as I am writing this I am wondering if that is what happens in the minds of people with ADHD[/I]… So to protect you it will only allow information through to your conscious mind that is in harmony with what you are focusing on and then filters out everything else.
In a different context, have you ever made the decision to buy a new car? Did you notice that you immediately started to see that vehicle everywhere you looked? Do you think it is by chance that there are more of these cars on the road all of a sudden? Of course not, they were always there but your subconscious filtered them out of your awareness because it wasn’t something that you were intentionally focusing on. Similarly in your relationships, the things in your partner that you focus on will seem to appear more and more often. In actuality they are no more prevalent than they were before, it is that your subconscious mind is filtering out most everything that does not line up with what you are focusing on, so if you weren`t focusing on the things before you wouldn`t have seen them.
So lets look at this a little closer as it relates to our relationships and specifically passion in our relationships. If you are focused on all of the crap, the fact that he didn’t take out the garbage, leaves the toilet seat up, doesn’t put the cap on the toothpaste, or change dirty diapers, or whatever other negative trait he or she has,then the last thing you are going to want to be is intimate with that person.
When you first started dating you were focused on what attracted you to them and what you loved about them and because that was your focus, that is pretty much all that your subconscious brought into your awareness, so that is all that you saw and of course you wanted to be intimate with them!
The one thing you can begin to do today to bring passion back into your relationship is to start focusing on what you love about your partner and every time you think about what you don’t love, change your thought and focus on what you do love. What you think determines how you feel and how you feel determines what you do. A passionate relationship is simply a by product of your thoughts. So choose your thoughts to support what you want to achieve in your relationship.
In closing I would leave you with a quote from Apostle Peter. He said “be of one mind having compassion one for another”, and what is compassion after all if not passions tender face.
Hope you have a passionate week!!
This is an exciting day as I debuted on 99.7 with Sue McGarvie’s Love and Lipstick!! If you were not able to dial in I will be posting my transcript and would love to hear from you!! MaryC