Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

The past year has been a challenging one for me. First, I left my secure, high-paying government job as a communications manager and launched a writing consulting business. While I’ve been doing reasonably well and love working from home, I am not yet used to the irregular paycheques and the insecurity of worrying whether business will dry up.

Next, I separated from my husband, after ten years of being together (seven years married). It took a tremendous amount of elbow grease and support from my girlfriends to negotiate a separation agreement, buy and set up a new house, while staying on top of my business duties and being a mom to two young children. Thankfully, our separation is amicable and my ex and I share custody of our four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter, who seem to be adjusting well. Still, we worry about how our decision to live happier lives separately will impact our children.

And then in March, I found out my 61-year-old mother has Alzheimer’s. For someone who never cries, I have gone through many boxes of Kleenex, mourning the loss of my mother as I knew her and the loss of the wife my father knew. I am usually very good at seeing the positive in seemingly negative situations, but I have really struggled to understand what good could come from such a terrible disease.

With so many challenges in front of me, I figured I could use a little help and boost of encouragement, so I enlisted Mary’s help and began coaching sessions with her in June. My main goal is to find meaningful work that has flexible hours and pays well while allowing me to help and inspire others. My other goals are to finally learn how to believe in myself, and to have the kind of romantic relationship I believe is possible.

It’s kind of funny that despite having numerous work and academic successes, I still doubt myself. I worry about whether my dreams can come true – can I really publish a book? Can I find the money to buy a cottage on a lake and start a mind-body-spirit retreat? Is it really possible to be artistic and creative, help others, and still make a good living? Is the romantic relationship I envision really possible, and would someone like that want to be with someone like me? I imagine many people have similar doubts. It’s easy for me to see someone else’s potential and know they can succeed, but it’s quite another to see my own abilities and trust in myself.

So Mary asked me to start a gratitude journal. I actually already use one, but she wanted me to focus on what I love about me, since I’ve been feeling a bit unsure of myself lately. It felt a bit awkward at first – saying “I love me” seems kinda silly. But the neat thing is, I really feel that focusing on what I like about myself has been shifting my perspective. I, like probably every other female on the planet, tend to see my flaws when I look in a mirror. I see the things I don’t like and want to change. It’s a useful practice to instead see with different eyes, looking for what’s good and positive.

Mary also told me that what others experience about us is more than just what we look like. They experience our entire person – our personality, warmth, smell, touch, energy. There is much more to a person than meets the eye. I think this is an important message particularly for women, since we tend to obsess so much about how we look and whether we’re “good enough.”

Anyway, the neat thing was that after doing what Mary suggested, I noticed I felt much better about myself. I also noticed that as I felt better about myself, others seemed to notice me more. I got unexpected compliments from people out of the blue. And I landed two new contracts. I suspect these were more than coincidences, and proof positive that our attitude – including towards ourselves – really does shape our reality.

I hope this week your mirror reflects back to you a positive view of your own wonderful qualities.